Daddy's Little Girl

One of my myriad functions at work is to sit on a panel (called the Screening Committee) that represents the entire Department to the Judiciary regarding certain recommedned placements and/or commitments. The purpose of the Committee is to ensure that our recommendations to the Court are appropriate and that the County's funds are not wasted in duplication of services or inappropriate treatment.

It doesn't happen often, but there are occasions where the Committee shoots down the recommendations of the presenting officers, who have to have "buy in" from their Supervisors in order to even appear before the Committee. One such occasion arose last week, when an officer from my former Unit appeared to screen a case, obviously with my former Supervisor's blessing.

My former Supervisor is a man who has earned my respect and esteem, no mean feat. He is the consumate leader and the prototypical Officer. I would follow him anywhere. Not only has he been a great Supervisor to me, he has also been a mentor, a sounding board, a staunch supporter, and a friend. And, as I learned yesterday, he has become somewhat of a father figure to me.

It should be obvious from the aforementioned sentiments that I knew full well my former boss was NOT going to be happy about the Screening Committee not only shooting down his officer's recommendation, but in fact directing the complete opposite action. As unfortunate as the situation is, it is the function of the Committee and I feel that we - and I personally - did the right thing.

Yesterday I telephoned my former boss regarding a normal workaday incident, and he brought up the decision of the Screening Committee from the week before. He expressed a profound disappointment in the decision, and advised of his displeasure with me personally. We discussed the matter for a while - there is no doubt that the case in question was different, tragic, and horrific - but the fact remains that the services of the commitment originally recommended were not necessary or appropriate for the juvenile himself. My former Supervisor felt that the recklessness demonstrated by the juvenile, which resulted in the death of an unrelated person, deserved punishment. I reminded him that the function of the Juvenile Court is rehabilitation, not punishment. He stated that such reckless disregard should be sanctioned to the fullest extent of the law. I indicated that there are very few 16-year-olds who haven't done something stupid to impress a girl, and just because this one resulted in the death of a person who would have easily survived the accident had he made his own decision to wear a seatbelt does not mean we should remove the young man from his intact, supportive, church-involved, straight-A-student home to provide him services that he doesn't need, in a setting that would be toxic to his existence and would expose him - for a year! - to an element that he normally wouldn't associate with. I said that the young man probably wakes up every night screaming and will pay his penance every single day of his life. He said that we'll never know for sure because he's not in custody.

He had me there.

He said that we would just have to agree to disagree. I concurred with this assessment of the situation and wished him a good day and marvelous weekend. And for the rest of the day I felt horrible.

And that's when I realized that my former boss had taken on a role for me that I had previously been unaware of: father. Regardless of his displeasure with me, I know that the Committee made the right decision in that case. Had it been any other Supervisor, I would not have been affected at all by the discussion or the sentiments expressed. But because he adamantly demonstrated his disappointment with my participation in the Committee's decision, I was bereft and spent the rest of the day feeling unwhole. Chastised. Sullied and in need of absolution. Emotions that I am vastly unfamiliar with, given my upbringing and lack of positive male role models.

Once the revelation had sunk in, I realized how very blessed I am to have him.