Divorce Proposal/Settlement

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives,
socialists, Marxists, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the
whole of this latest election process has made me realize
that I want a divorce. I know, we tolerated each other for
many years for the sake of future generations, but, sadly,
this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological
sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on
what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms.
We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and
go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by
landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult
part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly
agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our
respective representatives can effortlessly divide other
assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate
tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms,
the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah,
Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however,
responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big
enough to move all three of them.)

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations,
pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can
have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal
aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy
CEO's, and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give
you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and
we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that
threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters.
When our allies or our way of life are under assault,
we'll help provide them security. We'll keep our
Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam,
Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also
have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized
luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can
find. You can give everyone health care, if you can find any
practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe health
care is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle
Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure
you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to
Teach the World to Sing, Kum By Ya, or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give
trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends
you we'll keep our history, our name, and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to
other like minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if
you do not agree, just hit delete.

In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR
which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall.
Law Student and an American

AND

Daughter of Night, Patriot

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda.

Honeybee Crisis

Here is a segment (divided into two parts) from "60 Minutes" about the strange and ongoing disappearances of vast numbers of honeybees. You've probably heard some scattered talk about the disappearing honeybees, certainly not as much as one would think for something so very important.

Stimulus Q &A

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.


Hey, let's keep that money here in America!!! Spend it at a yard sale, or go to a baseball game. Spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos. I'm fairly certain those are the only businesses left in the United States.