The Song of O: 2-28-00 to 11-9-08

When we brought you home, you were small enough to hold in my two cupped hands. For the first three weeks, you slept in a laundry basket next to my bed. Just like all my other babies, when you cried in the night, I brought you into bed with me and held you next to my heart until you slept.

Every time we opened the dishwasher, you would climb in and frolic. One day, you could no longer fit your body into the cavity and were comically confused at the inevitable physicality of it. Ice was your very favorite treat, and the sound of someone opening the freezer door was cause for rejoicing and a funny little dance, your toenails tapping in glee on the kitchen tile. You were the reason that no mailperson, FedEx employee, UPS deliveryperson, or Jehovah's Witness would approach our door - at least not more than once. You hung your head and followed us to the door every morning when we left for work, and wagged your entire body while snorting with ecstasy when we returned each night. You knew with clockwork precision when 6:00 am and 6:00 pm rolled around, and made sure that everyone else knew it too; in fact, you wouldn't stop letting us know until we produced the food you were waiting not-so-patiently for.

You sat on the couch with your legs on the floor because you were convinced you were human. You slept with a pillow under your head for the same reason.

We brought you home with hope that your presence would revitalize old, tired Frejya; instead, she hated you with a passion reserved only for the Akita breed and would choose to sleep outside in the rain rather than anywhere near you. You valiantlyand tirelessly - and rather stupidly - insisted that she recognize you, often getting yourself a firm swat and snarl for your trouble. Later, she learned to tolerate you, and you accepted the gift of her tolerance with playful impudence that frustrated her to no end.

Still, when she died later that year, you were lost without her. You pawed at her body and barked, trying to rouse her; and when you found that her body was gone, you yelped joyously and ran frantically around the yard in search of her. When she was nowhere to be found, you cried mournfully. Your grieving baying broke my heart all over again. More so throughout the days that followed, as you didn't know how to fulfill the duties she had left to you and were painfully aware of it.

When we brought Siofn home to help you, you gratefully accepted her as the new "alpha," a role you were no more comfortable with than you were going outside in the rain. She, in return, graciously allowed you to housetrain her and share the couch. Throughout the years that followed, you and Siofn had long, strange conversations in high-pitched Dobie-speak that frustrated MSU endlessly because it was impossible to hear anything else in the house - including the smoke alarm - until you were finished.

You were the ground squirrel Enforcer, the voice of fence-line reason, the Official Greeter, and surreptitious panty thief. You played dumb a lot, but managed to find your way into every food cabinet no matter how we tried to keep you out. You loved with unbridled abandon and protected with fierce dauntlessness. You were the master of energy conservation in those last years, but when it really mattered, you were all over it like flies on shit.

Ten days ago, you stopped eating. Six days ago, you ate some turkey and some peanut butter, but I could tell you were doing it to make me happy and it was then I knew that you had made your decision. Knowing what was to come, I spent as much of the last four days with you as I could; as your faculties waned I wanted you to know every minute that you were a good, good boy. Yesterday, you lost control of your body functions but still tried to stagger outside, face filled with shame. The Baby (not anymore, but that's how you always knew her) gave you her sleeping bag and we made you as comfortable as we could, and I let you know that I would clean up after you and that there was no need to get up, go out, or work. And though your body was shutting down at that point, you appeared sheepishly affronted at being relieved of the duty you had meticulously attended to for so very long.

Last night, I lay with you on the sleeping bag and held you as your breathing grew ever more shallow. Your last bit of bodily energy was spent in Herculean effort, as you stretched your front legs out to take the first step of your Last Journey and struggled to take the last breath you would need to cross the Veil. I felt the sweet release as you left the confines of the body that had finally failed you and knew that you had found your way.

Of all of the watchdogs I have trained for God, I know that you will be the most entertaining.