WWIT?

I was talking to My Really Stupid Friend this morning. Just chatting, really, about this and that. I had originally called him to bitch him out about something, but decided against it by the time he called me back, though was still in the throes of the righteous indignation that had sparked the call. As the conversation wore on, I calmed down more and more... until he mentioned that he had "run into" the subject of all those posts long ago about how stupid my Really Stupid Friend is.

We ALL know that NOBODY just "runs into" somebody like that. As it turns out, he didn't either... she called him. And then he agreed to meet her.

Of course, this has NEVER been any of my business, but the panic and horrific feelings of guilt-by-association almost immediately re-presented themselves to my consciousness. He talked a bit about their brief meeting, and then said...

"As she drove away, I thought to myself, 'what was I thinking?' How did I get in that space in the first place?"

And I said, "Oh my Lord, I know exactly what you're talking about." And then I laughed until I cried.

Oh, if I had a nickel for every time I have asked myself that same question, I could retire right now. But the REAL irony of it all is that he and I share the knowledge of the Emotional Supernova, that mathematical point of despair - or in his case, supreme confidence - that obliterates EVERYTHING, leaving nothing that existed before undestroyed. Sitting smack-dab in the middle of the totally new construction that emerged out of the utter annhiliation of everything-that-was and then asking one's self "what was I thinking?" has to be the epitome of postmodern observational angst.

And realizing that something or someone that, at one time, was important enough to be the catalyst that fueled a universal explosion is NOW someone I'd barely glance at on the street (much less willingly destroy everything in my life for) must be the epitome of regret.