I Am...

I am Jack’s broken heart. I’ve been blind, deaf, and dumb!

I know I’m at the end of my emotional reserves when every response I have is a quote from Fight Club. It’s a trite survival tool, but an effective one. Filtering my life through the philosophy of Fight Club allows me to take an emotional break, just long enough to remember that nothing external has anything whatsoever to do with me.

I had definitely forgotten that I am not a beautiful and unique snowflake.

And though I could wallow in freakish self-pity over my own ongoing foolishness, I think I’d rather impart – with the utmost gratitude – this simple sentiment:

We squared off in that dark, arousing basement and you kicked my ass – and in doing so set me free. Thank you! I remember now why ruthless selfishness is the human animal’s prime directive!

And with this recaptured liberty, I also remember the things I don’t have time for:

I don’t have time – or money, for that matter – for investments with no foreseeable return.

In that vein, I don’t have time for altruism. Even if someone could prove that such a thing actually exists.

I spend too much time with and for people who don’t give a shit, and not enough time with and for people who do. No one has time for that!

I don’t have time for deception of any kind, not even when its purpose is an attempt to avoid emotional pain. I certainly don’t have time for people who practice it.

I don’t have time for clothes that don’t fit, shoes that hurt my feet, or push-up bras. What you see is what you get.

I don’t have time for what other people think is right or wrong. I don’t have time for should or ought. I can say without reservation that I don’t have time to conform, even if I had the inclination to.

I don’t have time for unsatisfying sex. I barely have time for good sex. Posers need not apply.

I don’t have time for “maybe.” It’s too late in the game to be waiting for folks to get off the fence.

I don’t have time to donate to the personal gain of individuals. Didn’t plan well? Too fucking bad.

I don’t have time to grant second chances. When you show me who you are, I’ll believe you - the first time.

I’m not in a position to judge, and neither is anyone else. If I were, I still wouldn’t have time for it.

I don’t have time for things. My attention will not be wasted earning more money than I can use to buy crap I don’t need.

I don’t have time for complacency, ambivalence, or condescension. Wanna make excuses or feel superior? Take it elsewhere.

I don’t have time for guessing or games. If you love me, show it. If you don’t, get out of my way.

I don’t have time to fulfill anyone’s needs but my own. My needs might include others, but they certainly don’t depend on them.

I don’t have time for average. Bring it… or don’t. But don’t expect me to applaud you for half-assed efforts at minimal proficiency.

And, when all is said and done, I doubt I’ll find time to feel the need to justify my actions, feelings, or desires. To anyone. Down one road is a grand adventure… down the other is safety. I don’t have time to worry about the choice.

I am Jack’s smirking revenge.