Let me say right off the bat that I know I am not an easy person to live with. I hold those I trust to an exceedingly high standard, a step down only to that I hold for myself. I will be the first to admit that my expectations may seem unreasonable to those unwilling to strive.
Let me also say I have never compelled anyone to maintain relationship status with me, through any means. Anyone in my circle is at liberty to come and go as they please. In other words, if you can’t stand the heat, feel free to get out of the kitchen. Leave the cooking to me.
Recent “conversations by comment” reminded me of when I first began posting to this blog, and what the “topic du jour” often was. It occurs to me – almost like an epiphany – that my definition of “dishonesty” differs from the common view, which explains much of my lifetime’s frustration. This realization led me to ponder whether or not my expectations have been unreasonable in this regard.
Here’s the sticking point: lying is lying. A person can have the greatest and most noble motivation imaginable by offering a “little white lie,” but it is – no matter how you paint it – still a lie. And lying is the most purely selfish act one can commit and still live to tell about it. Let’s face it: no one lies for the benefit of others. There is no altruism in deceit. If someone is lying, they are doing to serve their own interests no matter how they choose to justify it.
By the way, lying by omission – much to my daughter’s chagrin – still qualifies as lying. And no one is doing me any favors by doing it. If I ask you a question, I expect the truthful, complete answer. If I have to interrogate you to get to the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, I guarantee you won’t like the outcome.
Yes, I know. Believe me, it’s been made copiously known how unpopular this view is. Doesn’t change the facts, homie.
For me, though, it comes down to this simple truth which has been previously stated herein: lying to me can mean only two things. Your decision to lie to me means that you either think I’m too stupid to know the difference or you believe that I do not love you enough to accept your truth and help you with the consequences – either positive or negative – of it… and both assumptions are patently and thoroughly untrue.
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7 comments:
I agree 100%, that is how I live. I have been through all the crap I want to take for a lifetime. I have new rules: If you lie to me you are history. And, I will never lie to you as my people already know.
Congratulations, Harbinger! It's a difficult way to live nowadays, it seems. But at least you know you're not alone!! :-)
My sons best friend had cancer. He was down to half his weight and had lost all his hair. He had spent almost a year in hospitals. He was allowed to come over to our house for a play date. I offered to take them for a ride in our mule. See the picture on my blog 'just me' that was that day. My son loves to ride in the back but his friend was to scared. His friend climbed in the front and put his head down. My son quickly came and sat with us and told his friend that the back was too dirty to ride in and he liked the front better.
Obviously a lie. I was never prouder of my son. He was noble, not deceitful. He was compassionate not selfish. He had no motivation other than to put his friend at ease. That is love in my book. I would never tell him he did wrong and I would never correct him for that type of behavior. I can only hope he learned that from me.
So I still disagree with your premise that there is no place in our lives for a lie. In my opinion there far worse things.
Okay, then. There is no place in MY life for lies. Secrets, yes. Lies, no. As long as you believe that lies serve you, I will leave you to them.
Your son's compassion is indeed touching and sophisticated for one so young.
The discussion re: your son's motivation I will leave for another time. Perhaps I am just jaded because I can prove (using a logical calculus, no less) that altruism is an empty concept. And I will restate that compassion and untruth - nobility and deception - are necessarily oppositional. This too I can prove, though doing so brings me no joy whatsoever.
I look forward to having this discussion again in ten years or so. ;-)
Shall we leave this topic, then? Otherwise it seems that our second fight will just go on and on and on. :-)
<3
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I'm going to post my comment on the fake orgasm topic.
:)
Here I go...
Agreed *sticks out hand to be shaken (not stirred)* :)
100% agree. something happened to be a long time ago - its on one of posts somewhere - but I was forced to tell the truth. Someone asked me a question and I gave an honest answer. One person has never forgiven me of that, but he is a huge liar himself, not to mention a cheat!
I'm always honest, perhaps a little too honest at times. One of my pet hates is lying, and I have caught numerous amounts of people out before. The way I see it is, I am always honest with them, so why can't they be honest with me?
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