Yet Another Blog About Sex

I learned a very scary and sad thing the other day.

Apparently, not everyone feels the same way about sex as I do. Can you believe it??

In my opinion, part of what makes sex the amazing experience that it is (or can be) is that it's raw, messy, and altogether human. We come together in sexual relations in a way that is, in my opinion and belief, honest and unpretentious. We celebrate each other and ourselves in a biologically driven - but often emotionally fueled - vaccum of sacred space, where there is nothing and no one else, where for that moment nothing else matters.

Personally, I'm amazed by our bodies. Everything our bodies do is so incredibly engineered, so marvelously orchestrated. Tissue, blood, hair, secretions... elimination of waste, the strangely flexible hardness of bone and the ingenious map of muscles, tendons and ligaments... the regenetive nature of skin and the lightning speed of neurologic processes... the sensitivity of the scrotum and its rather unnerving constant motion... the complexity of the reproductive dance. All of it is extraordinary to me. And I love the smells and the textures, the combinations of which make us unique but still so very homogenous. A person's signature scent resides in the secret folds of genitalia, and to a lesser degree in the warmth of their armpits. Can I claim true intimacy without knowing that scent? Am I truly celebrating a joining of spirits if I refuse to accept the taste of salty and somewhat bitter semen? Would I deny the one joined in sacred space with me the heady smell and woody taste of my own vaginal fluids? Would I deny myself if it were offered to share? Not a chance. I cherish these gifts, as they are the fruits of perfect trust.

A sexual experience without smells... without textures... without body fluids and sweat... is - again in my opinion! - not a sexual experience. Hell, I can't even have that kind of sex with myself.

So, you can imagine my surprise when it was made known to me the other day that some people prefer their sex clean. Some people don't consider the smell of sexual arousal and the concurrent "mess" a rare and marvelous treasure. Some people won't let their mouths get near a vulva unless said vulva has very recently been vigorously washed - or in some extreme cases, is actually in the shower or tub at the time. Some people are so grandly uncomfortable with their own ejaculate that each expulsion necessitates an immediate shower and suspension of all contact until all traces have been eradicated. Some people refuse to kiss until they've brushed their teeth, regardless of their partner's feelings on the subject. One guy told me that he wouldn't have sex with his wife unless her legs and genitalia were freshly shaved. Even one day's growth was unacceptable. "Hair, god that's so gross," he said. I had to laugh at the double standard, but could I have convinced him otherwise? That's honestly how he thinks it's all supposed to be. Another guy disclosed that he doesn't engage in foreplay with his girlfriend anymore because "she gets all gooey down there and it's disgusting."

Are you fucking kidding me? I thought. No, he wasn't.

And sex during menstruation? Good God, you'd think I had proposed human sacrifice as foreplay if you had seen the shock and horror on the reacting party's face.

Tragic, if you ask me. And terrifying, to some extent. WTF? Am I some kind of ancestral-environment throwback, that I don't think sex is very sexy unless it's messy and smelly and sweaty? Am I stuck in the Stone Age while everyone else has evolved to the Sterile Age?

Hmmmmm.