The Inertia of Hopelessness and the Emotional Supernova

I am reminded by a friend's recent blog topic that some people will do whatever it takes to facilitate change. And when the prevalent emotional weather is hopelessness, sometimes the inertia is too much to bear. Decisions made in these circumstances typically do not make much sense to those who lead dynamic lives.

It's well known among my family and circle of friends that I have a self-destructive tendancy to (let me quote my husband) "blow things up" when change is necessary but seemingly impossible. It's not difficult to conclude that this tendancy - which I am well aware of and have tried hard to overcome - gets me in trouble quite often.

So, there's a primal part of me that truly understands when I hear about other people suddenly "going off line." I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, and done the talk show circuit. Sometimes the consequences have promoted growth, sometimes they have only hurt people needlessly and fostered more inclimate emotional weather. But the common denominator in all of these little life supernovas was CHANGE. Irrevocable, kinetically-charged change.

And that kind of change forces people to take their lives in a new direction. Not just that ONE person, but all of the people involved. It forces people to look at their lives honestly, to face their demons, and to decide what it is they truly WANT. It forces people out of that static inertia and into dynamic, reactionary decision-making. It forces people who have long been choosing NOT to chose to finally make a fundamental stand for what they believe is right, and true, and REAL.

Of course, sometimes there are innocent victims, too. Emotional supernovas do not care what is in their path.

I'm not stating that this should be the preferred way to battle inertia in relationships. I'm only stating that sometimes it feels - to me, anyway - like there is no other way. It is often said that "necessity is the mother of invention," but it seems to me that the old adage is hugely understated. Desperation is the mother of invention. And its conception is inertia.

I'm also not making excuses for my own behavior, which has been in some cases reprehensible and largely hurtful. Hindsight is 20/20, and I can honestly say in hindsight that there has always been a "better" way to resolve the pressure of inertia. But I can also honestly say that there was never a FASTER way, never a more EFFECTIVE way, and certainly no other obvious way to facilitate the deep and lasting change that was clearly necessary at the time.

As the supernova of a star resolves the inertia of mass suddenly too great to be contained, so does the emotional supernova resolve the inertia of pressure suddenly too great to be endured.

To the naked eye, the the change is not detectable - from our little telescopes in the living room, there is no way to tell that the large star you see has suddenly begun fusing iron and will instantly collapse upon itself into a mathematical point of mass that must burst forth in fiery, nuclear fury, obliterating everything in its path. The star self-destructs, but its destruction creates rare and precious elements (the gold you wear on your ring finger is created only by the supernova explosion as are many of the elements that make up your body) and re-creates the space around it into something completely new. Thus the emotional supernova - though thankfully rare - is a fascinating and sickly wondrous event to witness from the outside.

But inside, it is a sweet release.

Again, no excuses. I don't advocate the emotional supernova because there IS NO GOING BACK, and that eventuality is too much for most people to bear. But I have to say that when I stand here in the safety of my oft-recreated life and witness others who suddenly "go offline," I understand the inertia that is the impetus for self-annihiliation. These are people who no longer chose to live with the pressure of contained mass. These are people who have chosen to embrace the obliteration of all that IS for the hope of what WILL BE. Because, whatever it is, it won't ever be the same.