I don’t want to leave you, and I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t know if there is a solution to our current dilemma or not, but I do know that what happened last night is unacceptable. In many ways. I don’t have any ideas for ultimate solutions, but I do have some ideas regarding ways to avoid scenarios like last night’s.
I want to apologize again for striking you. You called me a “crazy cunt.” (The full quote is, “you can’t prove shit, you crazy cunt.”) My hand reached out to slap you before I was even fully aware of it. I’m sorry. Though I do think you should be held responsible for the things that you say, I know that is not the way to do it. I broke a promise I’ve been able to keep for 21 years last night. I am shamed.
5 comments:
Slapping someone is wrong, but there isn't anything you can do about yesterday, the only way to make a difference (and keep your sanity) is to go on from here.
In DBT, they call it "radical acceptance" - it's the moment where you acknowledge that an event happened, realize that there's isn't anything you can do about the past, and deciding to try harder in the future. Just because you accept it DOESN'T mean that you approve of it.
I'm sorry you're in turmoil. I wish there were magic words to fix these situations...
And, although it doesn't make it right, if someone had said that sentence to me, I would have smacked him too.
I couldn't agree with Jen more.
May I be so bold as to state the obvious? Your current relationship is unhealthy, toxic even. Yes, hitting is wrong but people often ratchet up their actions when the response to previous actions are ignored. Justified no but normal, yes.
What to do? Counseling? A waste of time if both parties aren't seeking a genuine change. Maybe it's time for you to get some help for yourself? A professional's perspective couldn't hurt.
And again "How do you solve a problem like Maria?" keeps ringing in my head. so damn irritating
I agree with David, from this perspective, your relationship is unhealthy.
You spend so much time beating yourself up for things that aren't solely your fault.
Again with David, counseling would be a fantastic step but it won't work unless HE'S ready to recognize that your relationship needs help too.
Go to counseling without him, maybe they can help you stay health and whole, without letting him rip you apart.
This is just IMO.
Love you.
RIght you are, both of you,. And I am thankful for your perspective and acceptance of me even when I'm stupid, childish, and hurtful.
Radical acceptance, indeed. It is all I have in this situation and so many others.
I suggested counseling, but we have both had such bad experiences with it that I don't think either of us are ready to blindly put faith in an outsider to help us at this point, though I may seek some therapy for myself just to help me cope with the myriad pressures in my life right now.
THis situation is another one of our domestic alcohol-related incidents. And the first thing I am going to do is come to an agreement with MSU that we don't EVER talk about important and/or emotional topics when one or both of us have been drinking, even a little bit. THis will make talking to MSU rather difficult, as it seems he is always drinking, but perhaps the other night's follies will help mediate that a bit.
I love you two.
Yes, a line has been crossed but I hope this is a sign for you to seriously ponder the good/bad of your relationship and come to a firm decision. Life is too short to wallow in misery.
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