Herald to the Romantically Accountable

It has often been commented that a few fairly common female traits were left out of my makeup at my Creation. I'm not complaining - though others have been known to (but that's another tale...). Listening to people today - on the radio, at work, in cyber-conversation - has re-convinced me that the Valentine's Day peptide was left out of my DNA.

All I can say is: awwwwwwww. Looks like I'm really missing out!!!!

My chemical composition doesn't allow me to expect extraordinary professions of love on this day or any other. If I heard one, I'd first check to make sure it was directed at me, then I'd call the ESU.

I'm physically unable to throw a crying rage because I didn't get flowers. If my Male Spousal Unit forgets Valentine's Day, I could care less. As a matter of fact, he's saved me some money by forgetting and that makes him the Daily Superstar in my book. If he forgets one of our children somewhere, then he'll see a rage.

I'm apparently raising romantically defunct daughters, too, as neither of them brought up Valentine's Day until two days ago when my youngest had to sign up for treats for the class party. This is more proof that I am the worst mother ever.

I'm auspiciously omitted from the breakroom chat about dinner reservations, huge bouquets, racy lingerie, and chocolate. People walking by my cubicle give me little shrugs of pity as they note my shelves that are oh-so-obviously bereft of roses or large cards filled with stock poetry. They then try to include me in the reverently whispered discussions of the MEN WHO FAILED.

This is the one day per year that I don't engage in XY Chromo bashing. I'm sorry, you said your husband didn't wake you up at midnight to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day and stroke your hair until you went back to sleep? You're whining because you got a full night of uninterrupted sleep?? WTF?????

Oh, yeah. You'll note that my tongue is lodged firmly in my cheek when I point out that I definitely need to take some Girl Classes to catch up on this trend.

Men, it may cheer you to hear that for years now, Valentine's Day in my family has been renamed "Gun Day." It's the day, every year, when Mommy get a new gun.

:::::::singing:::::::: Isn't it romantic........??